Single Girls in the Real World (it's a long one . . . )

I feel sort of weird using these lyrics, but I'll explain that later. I really like the song, anyway, so here go my favourite parts of it.

Single - Natasha Bedingfield

I'm not waitin' around for a man to save me (Cause I'm happy where I am)
Don't depend on a guy to validate me (No no)
I don't need to be anyone's baby (Is that so hard to understand?)
No I don't need another half to make me whole
Make your move if you want
Doesn't mean I will or won't
I'm free to make my mind up
You either got it or you don't

[Chorus:]
This is my current single status
My declaration of independence
There's no way I'm tradin' places
Right now a star's in the ascendant
I'm single (Right now)
That's how I wanna be
I'm single (Right now)
That's how I wanna be
Ah yeah uh huh that's right

Don't need to be on somebody's arm to look good (I like who I am)
I'm not saying I don't wanna fall in love 'cause I would
I'm not gonna get hooked up just 'cause you say I should (Can't romance on demand)
I'm gonna wait so I'm sorry if you misunderstood

(lyrics provided by dani31@suscom.net at sing365.com)

Ok. Now the explanation. As most of you people reading this already know, I have been single for quite some time. The last two guys I sort of liked turned out to be gay, and the other guy from EBC, well, let's just say it didn't turn out as planned. Most days (maybe not 'most' by a large margin though . . .) I'm totally cool with my single status. Those are the days I could rock out with Natasha up there and be all hells yeah. (P.S. "Hells yeah" is exactly what I would be like, lol.) I like not having to impress anyone (at least not all the time), and I really do appreciate the (long) break from all the melodrama inherent in all (yeah, ALL) relationships. The "oh my gosh, I think he's mad at me!" , "actually, I can't hang out with you tonight it's me and (insert cute guy's name)'s night", and "well, (insert said name) said that . . ." does get old. And irritating. I'm also proud of myself for not bowing down to the level of going for any "smooth" guy trying to pick me up at a club (ew!) or even taking a chance with a guy I almost dated in highschool. Actually, to be honest, neither of those guys had a snowball's chance in hell. But I still have managed to remain single when I could have dated someone regardless of the fact that he was less than stellar. Which is something I haven't always been so quick to avoid. And, no offense to those into internet dating, but I am glad I have steered clear of that also. It's not my bag (did I pick that up from you, April? It's a good one).

However, if I'm honest with myself and anyone else reading this, there are days when I would kill (not actually!) to be dating. To me, there is just something about that kind of relationship that is unlike any other. It can't be matched with anything else. No matter how close you are to your friends, family, co-workers . . . it isn't the same. And no, it's not just the making out lol. It's just a special connection you have with that one person. You know they know you super well, and they get you. Of course, it isn't like that right away; it would take months or years to get to that. But I'd be willing to put in the time. With the right person of course. And then there's the fact that everyone, their brother, their fourth cousin and their boss are getting married. It's moderately (ok, more than moderately) distressing that while all my friends are tying the knot (and there isn't anything wrong with that), I have yet to even meet someone I like well enough to date. The fact that all the people in my class are like 3 years younger than me doesn't help. Ick! Then, once you start dating, there needs to be, at the very least, a year before engagement or weddings or whatever. And that's only if everything goes totally smoothly . . . which, if past experience is accurate, rarely (if ever) happens. The whole process could take numerous guys, and years! Dating someone would also make things like having a wedding date a question of the past (P.P.S. Has anyone seen that movie! It's killer good. April probably has. That's my girl.) I know I'm only 21, but I (and our culture) make me feel like I'm running out of time!

Which brings me to my next point, which is the stigma attached to being single. There are, of course, the stupid, stupid sayings like 'my other half' with the idea that people (most often women) need someone else to feel 'complete'. But that's not even what I mean. Now, I love my family. I'm glad of that fact, too, because I know not everyone can say that. But every time I go to a family gathering, someone asks if I have a boyfriend or who (whom?) I'm dating. They mean well, but really, if I was dating someone and felt like telling them, wouldn't I do it? I guess their concern is that I won't, which is valid considering the grilling I would undergo. They have even offered to 'find me someone'. Apparently my aunt has someone chosen for me , and Nathan knows who he is, but they refuse to tell me. My money is on someone from camp. I "jokingly" told my cousin Ian to keep his eyes open for a masters student for me (he'll be doing his masters at UW). They are mnore my age, anyway. The worst part is that they think that there's something wrong with me since I'm not dating. Maybe I'm too picky, or I'm not trying. Or worse. (Some of you already know this story . . .) I was talking to my cousin on the phone a few weeks ago, and she asked me if I had a boyfriend. When I told her no, she asked me, deadpan, in all seriousness, if I was gay. She honestly did! At the time I laughed it off, but every time I think about it now it kind of upsets me. The fact that I'm not dating does not make me a lesbian! Even if I was a lesbain, I'm not sure I'd react well to that. I should have told her I was. Anyway. Point is, there is nothing wrong with single people! Grr. Do your part to make the world a more single-friendly place. Which sounds funny coming from a bridesmaid. Whatever.

Sorry. That came off more bitter than I meant it. I'm totally happy for Cameron and Beth, Jenelle and Graham, your brother, boss and fourth cousin. Really I am. It just threatens my singleness, which I'm not always down with. I'll get over it. Thanks for reading.